A TOUGH CHOICE

Hari ni cerah setelah beberape hari aku kesejukan akibat hujan. Cerahnya hari ini seperti hatiku yang cerah di hari baru. Urgh! I can’t believe I say this, haha… Walaupun cerah tapi aku x keluar pun. Dah beberape hari berlalu sejak kemarahan aku meletus seperti gunung berapi. Akhirnye aku telah membuat satu keputusan yang amat sukar tetapi berbaloi for everyone’s sake. Mostly for my own sake. Aku kene bersikap selfish kerane semua perkara yang berlaku kebelakangan ni menyebabkan masalah datang menimpe aku bertubi2. Dan aku x dapat buat ape2 untuk menolak semua 2. Terpaksela aku terime semuanye dengan hati yang cekal, cewah… Walaubagaimanepun, THE SOURCE of all the problems has been vanquished. Saini mesti paham, haha… Tak kire r ape pun, aku nak mengabiskan cuti ni ngan gembire sehinggela aku terpakse memerah otak untuk semester depan. 2 math aku kene amek! Bayangkan 2 math! Sedangkan 1 math pun umpame mimpi ngeri buat aku. Okay, I sound a little dramatic, huhu… Yang sebenarnye aku x benci pun math tapi bile melibatkan cos, sin ngan tan, kelam kabut aku dibuatnye. Hopefully repeat math ni akan membuatkan aku lebih paham sebab aku dah belaja mende 2. Anggaple sebagai ulangkaji walaupun aku akan rase tersekse lagi. Argh!!! Buat mase sekarang aku rase aku amat memerlukan aiskrim cornetto jename Wall’s flavour coklat! It can help to reduce my stress… Next week je r beli. I’ll have it just for myself, hua3… Bercakap pasal selfish, salah ke kalau aku bertindak selfish? I just want to do something for myself. Let’s say, for my success? Tapi x kire macam mane pun kekadang aku jadi selfless gak. Mungkin aku terlalu lembut hati sangat agaknye… Oleh itu aku akan menjadi seseorang yang keras hati, hahaha (gelak jahat). Xdela, adela mende yang aku akan jadi, tapi aku pun x tau lg. Semuenye terpulang kepade keadaan dan mase. Luckily my powers are not limited by time and space, hehe… They are the power of will and self respect. No demons and warlocks can steal them, lucky me. Oklah, aku pun dah ngantuk ni. I’m going to sleep and wake up tomorrow fresh and chipper :). Good night!!!

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THERE GOES MY DREAMS...

Now I think I manage to move on. Forgetting something that is bad memories to me is one of my specialties. I learned this during my high school time. Never thought it will come in handy in the future, hehe… Whatever it is life must goes on. I mean, I’m just going to be 21, and I have the rest of my life to worry about other things which make my life so hectic right now. That is if I’m not going to die in the nearest time, huhu… I hope not yet because I still do not get my greatest desire in life. I still do not find what I am looking for and the most important I still do not manage to help people who in need. After that maybe I can rest peacefully without worrying anything, haha… Thinking of all my dreams make me realize how short my life is. There are still a lot I want to do but never enough time to make all my dreams come true. I mean, how do you know what will you be in the next 5 or 10 years from now? Based on my situation right now, I can’t even imagine that future. I wish that I can travel all around the world, visiting historical places, gather a lot of properties, buy everything that I have never have since I was a little boy, meet someone special, having kids, hehe… I can’t help it, okay? Babies are so pure and not to mention cute. The point here is will I have time to have it all? Because right now I’m still struggling with all the responsibilities which burden on my shoulders as a student. I’ve made calculations and if it is accurate, I’ll finish my studies when I am 26 years old. There, I’ll be near 30 that time and when will I build my career and etc? That what have bothering my mind all this while together with other things which are not important and I don’t want to mention here. That is why I wish I can turn back time to change all that had happen. What I had been through all these years have made me someone who I never want to be. That will be my greatest regret in my whole life, or maybe even in my afterlife. I realize that in life no human are perfect but I think I’m worse than everyone else. This is because so many chances were wide opened for me for brighter future and what did I do? I just laying down and let them go. And I get what I deserve. Well, that’s that. Whatever I’ll do will change the past but what I can say is I’ll try my best to make my life even better. To those out there and the next generations, never repeat the same mistake that I’ve done. I’ve learnt my lessons, hard time. Believe me…

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I CAN'T SLEEP,HUHU...

It’s already 3 a.m. and I still can’t sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I can see images about all things which I don’t want to remember. So I spend my time writing this, hopefully I can get to sleep after this. Laying alone on my bed make me think how I wish my life is different from what I’ve been through these 3 years. Don’t get me wrong, I know that everything happens for a reason but still I have that wish. I also know that I can’t turn back time to change what has already happen. Plus, I’m the one who get myself into this mess and I have to face the consequences. It just sometimes I had second thoughts and regret what had happen to me. In these past 3 years, I almost lost myself. In fact, it is the same feeling I feel right now. I don’t know how long this feeling will stay in me, I hope it’ll gone soon. These few weeks, I had spent most of my time in public library. Haha… I made some new friends there, it a good thing, considering I’m all alone spending my holiday in my room, huhu… Morover, I let my phone rest for this holiday. No SMS, no phone calls… Actually it’s quite bored but I’ve get use to it. I’ve made some research about human emotions during the time I spent in library and yet I still never understand some of the emotions especially when they are falling for someone. Their behaviors completely change. They become so sensitive to what their friends are saying but not to their so called ‘love ones’. What the heck??? I mean, if they know their friends before their love one, they should listen more to their friends’ advice and not to a stranger who he or she fall for. I think it will be totally ridiculous. However, it depends on our own choice right? I don’t have any power to force them to do so. I’ll understand that one day, perhaps. Well, Christmas is just around the corner and I’d like to wish all Christians Merry Christmas. Send my regards to Santa, tell him I am a good boy this year, hehe… My holiday will be over soon, this means my result will come out soon, argh… So afraid thinking of that because I answered badly during the exam. It was not that bad but it was the worst among these 3 semesters. I hope my pointers are maintaining along ‘the edge’, hehe… Can’t wait for the new semester to come so I can make myself busy with books again and forget all my stupid and useless problems. Hm.. I’m getting sleepy now and I think I’ll sleep after I post this. I hope one day I’ll wake up and I don’t hurt anymore. Buh-bye!!!

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